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How do we develop unconditional love for ourselves and others?

How do we develop unconditional love for ourselves and others?

Unconditional love is the most powerful positive force. How do we develop unconditional love for ourselves and others?

Here are some techniques that are just focused on unconditional love.

Fountain of love

  • Imagine a happy memory or person who uplifts you. 
  • Tune into that feel-good feeling and spread it to all the cells in your body. Let it fill your body from the tip of your toes to the top of your head. 
  • Then direct it to your heart. 
  • Then imagine a fountain from your heart and direct this fountain at a challenging person or situation – before the encounter and during. 
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If you feel uncomfortable with anyone, separate the person from their behaviour and send unconditional love, as if they are acting the part of a difficult person. Love them regardless. The important thing is to tune into the unconditional bit which is the most potent.

You can do the same with pain in your body too. Directly aiming the love at the pain allows it to heal. Each cell works for your optimum health and happiness and is subconsciously programmed to return the body to a state of peak health.

Room vortex

  • Do the same as above unti the final bullet point.
  • Instead, imagine the fountain filling the whole room you are in. 
  • Imagine the people and the situation that is uncomfortable, in this room, being drenched by this energy fountain. 

You may need to do it several times until your anxiety or discomfort is no longer there. If the thought, “this is ridiculous, it’s not working” enters your mind, put these thoughts into the room as well to release the doubt. The room becomes a vibrational vortex that has the ability to steer you to everything you desire in your life.

Metta Bhavana

This is a traditional Buddhist practice where you direct the fountain of love to five people one by one. Firstly, to yourself, then someone you love, someone you do not like, someone who you know exists but you do not have a relationship with e.g. shopkeeper and lastly to someone who inspires you.

It is immensely liberating to love someone you do not like or even a situation you do not like.  What you do not like is darkness, and unconditional love is the light you throw on it to dissipate the darkness and break it down. This will release you of the darkness and free you from the burden.

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Remember you are developing a skill of using unconditional love to build your resilience and growth. It takes time like learning to swim or cooking so practice, practice and practice- at least a few times a day- until perfect. Your aim is that when you feel a glimpse of stress or anxiety that you use these techniques by default and overcome that feeling swiftly.

A good metaphor to understand this process is to imagine the stress as dark energy and the unconditional love as the switch that transforms the darkness into light. It is how you feel most of the time (positive or negative) that determines what you create and attract in your life. Unconditional love is that switch. The most important first step is to do this for yourself. You cannot shed light on others when you are in darkness yourself.

Love the outcome of situations or people no matter how difficult. This may not necessarily change that person but changes how you deal with them, minimising the stressful impact on you. When you release the discomfort of a person or situation you release it from your body.

You can send unconditional love to yourself, other people and situations e.g. a difficult meeting, a job interview, etc. You will be surprised by the change in your approach and outcome. 


Using unconditional love helps release resistance and stress, which in turn allows the circumstances and people concerned into a positive zone which in turn leads to positive outcomes. Keep up the practice of the techniques for a few months to enjoy the turn to a better positive life path. Remember you have the power to change your life to be the best version of you.

About Hansa Pankhania 

Hansa is an acclaimed author and a renowned coach and speaker on wellbeing, stress reduction and resilience. She is an expert in managerial and corporate wellbeing and has provided coaching and consultancy services to over 300 companies. Hansa’s passion is to help companies save money lost through stressful situations and develop mindful, thriving workplace cultures. She has published seven books including a series on  ‘Stress to Success’, as well as books for children. 

Contact us at +44(0)7888747438

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